Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
