Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
