Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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