I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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