i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
