Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Randomize
