Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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