Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
