He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
