it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
