Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so let's talk penis.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
