More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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