My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
