i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
