I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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