Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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