can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Randomize
