i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
