Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
