Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
