dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
