I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
