you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
