so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
