i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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