At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
