# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
