I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
