Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
