i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
