this beer tastes like vomit already
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You pole danced in your parka.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
