I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
