Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How naked do you want me to be?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
