How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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