i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
