oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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