I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
