I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
