My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
