she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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