you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
