At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
