dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
