Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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