dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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