Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
