Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
