So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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