Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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