Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
