Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
